Help Your Teen Cope With Exams

My teen is hurting and I would love to write a very strong curse word here to vent my frustration at God, the Universe and the blooming clock – anyone and anything will do right now.

My daughter has been working her socks off for literally months and today she had one of her A level papers, knew all the answers to it, but misread the clock – and they were given no warning by the adjudicator to say they only had 15 minutes left. Tears ensued for her and I feel broken hearted for her. It’s so darned hard being a parent sometimes when you see your child suffering isn’t it?

So, this inspired me to write this post, as surely, we’re not the only family going through this trauma right now.  My son is in the middle of his GCSEs and the revision seems to have been going on months! They’re so ready for a break yet now is when the rubber hits the road and I’m sure you’re all with me when I write I hope they get a lucky paper.

The pressure is on!

No matter how well prepared they are, if they have an off day or their girlfriend / boyfriend dumps them just before an exam, or a teacher says something that worries them, or a friend looks at them funny, so many little things can affect how they do on the day. There’s so much pressure on them to distil all their work and knowledge into such a short time frame.

And yes, I know we’ve all been there and done that. That’s not the point of this. This isn’t about us, it’s about them.  The point is that THEY are doing it right now and as a mother I want to make sure I can support them as much as I possibly can do, because even if they don’t show it, they’re just about running on empty.

And then, once these exams are over, they have the hard part of that never-ending wait until the results come out. I remember those days well!

So, what can you do to help your teens through the next few weeks of exam mayhem?

The bigger picture

Make sure your child knows that this is just a small part of their very large lives.  While they might be tired, stressed, anxious and sensitive to things that normally wouldn’t bother them, this time will pass.

Review all possible options

Always remind your kids that if the worst happens, they have the chance to resit.  Yes, I know, resitting sucks, but in the greater scheme of things, it’s doable and if it needs to be done, well, it needs to be done.

Look for the positives

We all tend to expect the worst. Your teens are no different!  Chat with them about their concerns.  Sometimes you just need to sit with them and let them talk.  LISTEN to what they have to say. Remember you have two ears and one mouth, so use them proportionately.  Give them the chance to say it how they need to.  When they start talking with an all or nothing approach or catastrophising, help them put it into perspective. Remind them of the times they’ve done things really well.  Help them see that they’re not the total failure they feel like right now.

Give them hope

Remind your teens that there are very many top industry leaders who have very few formal qualifications.  Having a strong set of exam results won’t do your teen any harm, but they don’t guarantee future success in life.  Focus on the qualities that your child does have. Do they have a good work ethic? Are they determined and persistent? Are they kind? Do they get on with people easily? Are they good listeners?  These qualities are way more important than a set of As and A*s.

Help them feel secure

Make sure they know that you’re always there for them so that they feel secure.  Despite what the exams throw at them, coming home to a warm hug, good food and a clean bed go a long way to helping your teen feel they belong.

Support them

Let them know they’re not alone.  Talk about times when you’ve really struggled and how you’ve managed to work your way through it.  This will reassure them that it’s not just them having a bad day or run of bad days.

Talking helps

If they find it difficult to open up to you, but you know they would talk to someone, encourage them to call the Samaritans or Childline who are there to support them.

Prioritize sleep

Make sure they prioritize their sleep. This is so important! If you need to physically remove phones and tablets an hour or two before bedtime, do it. The blue light from screens will negatively affect their sleep.  Sleep in a darkened room, eat no later than 90 minutes before going to bed, avoid caffeine after 2pm.

Eat healthy food

Feed them well.  If they’re fast food fans, use it as a treat, but that stuff is nutritionally deficient, so don’t allow it to make up the main part of their diet.  Give them lots of fresh fruit and vegetables with high quality protein and complex carbs such as brown rice, wholemeal / granary bread, sweet potatoes.

Stay hydrated!

Encourage them to drink plenty of water. Did you know the brain is made up of approximately 75% water?  So when we’re dehydrated you can imagine the negative impact it has on how our brain functions.

This is how to work out how much your teen SHOULD be drinking.  Take his/her weight in pounds, divide it by 2 and the answer is the amount of water your teen should drink in fluid ounces every day as a minimum. EG: I weigh 135 pounds / 2 = 67.5. Therefore, I need to drink a minimum of 67.5 fluid ounces of water a day.

Prioritize balance

Make sure they get some healthy time away from revision. They will work better when they’re refreshed.  A frazzled mind becomes unproductive, so make sure they balance out the hours of revision with some down time.

Get your UV fix

Encourage them to spend time outdoors. Getting natural UV light on their skin will boost their immune systems and will also help them sleep well.  Ideally ensure they’re getting at least 30 minutes of activity every day. If you have a dog, make sure they go out for a walk with you – this is also a good time to initiate a chat with them as it’s less intense than sitting down and looking at each other.

Time to let it go

It’s done, so let it go. Finally, help your child to forget about it. Once the exam has been sat, there’s no going back. Worrying about the result is just wasted energy and while you may not be able to stop them worrying totally, encourage them with days out, treats, picnics, whatever you enjoy doing as a family to help them take their mind off it.  And just pray like mad that they get a better result than they expect.

Next moves

What are the next moves? If the proverbial does hit the fan, think about their next moves logically.  Take some time out with them.  Can they resit?  Should they resit? If they were planning to go to uni, do they need to defer their placement for a year while they resit? Are there apprenticeships that might end up offering them more in the long term than the traditional uni route?

Uni isn’t the only route

Uni isn’t the be all and end all. One huge benefit about not going to uni is they’re unlikely to be saddled with the massive debt that most uni students leave with.  And they’ll have had those years of practical experience gaining confidence in their skills in a real life work environment where a lot of their uni counterparts still have all that ahead of them.  Remember a top class degree guarantees you nothing, zilch, nada!

Respect their choice

Respect your teen’s choices.  Uni isn’t for everyone and it might not be for your child either.  Remember to listen to what they want from life and try not to impose what you want them to do.  Guide them but don’t force them.  And while the exams are on, try and help to calm the choppy waters ahead as best possible.

Wishing all your teens the very best of luck.

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