8 Values That Shape Our Choices

“The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes… Each of us literally chooses, by his way of attending to things, what sort of universe he shall appear to himself to inhabit.” William James, 19th Century American Philosopher and Psychologist.

Choice is one of the most powerful words of our language. It’s our choices that have got us to where we are today. During the course of our waking hours, we are constantly making choices that shape our lives. We choose who to love, we choose who to trust, we choose our career paths, or lack of them, we choose to be warm-hearted and generous, we choose to live our lives to a higher purpose . Or we choose to be jealous and deceitful, we choose to hide our worries behind addictions and dysfunctional behaviour. We choose to pursue different belief systems.

Our choices are endless. The choices we make determine the lives we lead. Your life as it is at this present moment is a result of the choices you have made up until now.

Your life as it is at this present moment is a result of the choices you have made up until now. Click To Tweet

Our reality is a perception

Our choices affect our reality. Do you consider your life on the whole as a success story or do you think you have failed so far? How do you define what failure and success mean to you? How we perceive the world is just that – a perception. Are you a glass half full or glass half empty kind of person? What you ‘see’ and what I ‘see’ may be perceived entirely differently.

For example, if you were brought up in a large house with a large dog, you might describe the image of a room as small, and the dog small too. However, if you were brought up in a small flat with a small dog, you might look at the same image and see a room that is large, with a large dog. The image of the room and the dog haven’t changed. Your perception of the image is what makes the difference.

Gaining perspective

The way your brain views the world that shapes your reality can be changed. You can choose to perceive your world in a framework which creates harmony and contentment, rather than frustration and stress. But to achieve this change in perception, you have to allow yourself to believe in the possibility of you being wrong.

“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is perspective, not the truth.” Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor, 2nd Century

Our brains are hard-wired to make us think we’re right, even when we’re wrong. We think we’re being objective about an experience, yet we’re not. Our lives thus far have shaped who we are and have influenced the choices we have made. To choose to cut through our own biases takes guts and determination to enable us to see things as they really are.

Dare to be wrong

None of us likes to be wrong, because being wrong affects our sense of self-worth and individual power. We think that if we’re wrong, we will be considered stupid, impatient, full of our own steam, arrogant. When we think in this way, we are handing out our power to those around us.

Being wrong is human and being able to admit you are wrong takes guts. There are few sentences as powerful as “I was wrong and I am sorry.”

There are few sentences as powerful as: I was wrong and I am sorry. Click To Tweet

Admitting you are wrong shows humility, integrity and consideration of others, as well as showing you were brave enough in the first place to put your opinion forward for scrutiny. We need to learn to feel proud instead of ashamed, fascinated instead of defensive.

Harnessing curiosity

Let your curiosity grow! Allow yourself to risk being wrong. We need to delve deep down and find out the truth when something doesn’t align with what we thought as right. What is more important to you? To stay cooped up within your safe “I think I’m right” box, or to step out beyond the confines of your self-imposed protection and wonder at the miracle of the universe, ask the questions that help us understand what is really going on out there. Give yourself permission to make the choices which help you to grow and learn by your mistakes.

Give yourself permission to make the choices which help you to grow and learn by your mistakes. Click To Tweet

Our traumas and tragedies shape our lives

There are few people on this planet who have not suffered some kind of trauma or tragedy. Why is it that some people can turn their lives around and live a life of relative contentment while feeling at peace with the world, whereas others’ lives crumble into oblivion?

It comes down to the choices they make.

Choice doesn’t mean easy. Your choices can involve Everest-sized effort, yet the path you choose can lead to a positive life experience or can lead just as easily to a negative life experience.

Choice doesn't mean easy. Choice can involve Everest-sized effort. Click To Tweet

Enduring great pain, finding unconditional love

A lady I know was raped as a teenager. As a consequence, she gave birth to a little boy. I asked her if she was angry at the man who raped her. She replied that no, she wasn’t angry anymore, rather she pitied him, explaining that she was the lucky one. She had been given the gift of becoming the mother of a beautiful son and grandmother to three affectionate grandchildren. He (the man who raped her) had no knowledge of their existence, and never would have. He had missed out on the wonder of unconditional love.

This lady made the choice of finding the positive in her trauma. By enduring great pain, she found a purpose in her life and that purpose resulted in her creating an identity of being a provider and nurturer of life itself.

Living with purpose

When I talk about living with purpose I always relate to Viktor Frankl’s experience of being a prisoner of war during WWII. He first lost his father, Gabriel, at Theresienstadt, a Nazi Ghetto. His mother, Elsa, and brother, Walter, both died at Auschwitz and his beloved wife, Tilly, died in Bergen-Belsen, having survived the atrocities of Auschwitz. Yet he found purpose and meaning in his life which helped him to continue to add value to his remaining years.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way”. Viktor Frankl, Neurologist and Psychiatrist, 20th Century.

Viktor Frankl realised that those who survive the terrors of life are not the physically strong or healthy, but those who choose to find a sense of meaning and purpose within adversity. In his book “Man’s Search for Meaning” he quotes Nietzsche:

“He who has a why to live for, can bear with almost any how.” Friedrich Nietzsche, Philosopher, 19th Century.

By changing his perspective, he shows how the most brutal and dehumanising experiences can be reinterpreted when we choose to find a purpose we are willing to live for.

Choosing the present moment

None of us knows how long we are going to live. Our death is inevitable. We are all gradually dying on a cellular level. So why not choose to live life to the full, while we still enjoy life’s gifts? Why do so many of us schlep through day to day, barely surviving, just going about the daily grind? Where is it leading? What is your contribution?

Waking up to death

Death enables us to live our lives fully, when we choose to do so. If you knew that in one week’s time you would die, how would you want to spend those last 7 days?

When I knew my Dad was going to die, I began observing nature much more closely. I began to pretend that I was faced with approaching death, just like my Dad was. I began to wonder at the questions of the creation of the universe. I wondered how he would be seeing the world around him, how his bright eyes would be absorbing every last detail possible, from the gnarly bark on the trees, to the huge swathes of soil in the newly ploughed fields, to the sound of the wind dancing in the trees.

This image is of me on my wedding day with two of the most important men in my life: my Dad on my right, and my step-Dad on my left. They both walked me down the aisle. Lucky aren’t I?

Death invigorated my life

And since Dad’s death, I have continued to live like this. When I first started paying focused attention to the world around me I was awe-struck and it upset me as I was afraid I couldn’t absorb it all. What if I only had a short amount of time left? How could I experience everything?

Being aware of death enables us to choose a more harmonious frame of mind. Are you really going to waste your time worrying about a comment someone used to belittle you? Are you really going to waste your energy on resenting a wrong?

Ultimately, we all have a choice. We can choose to be riled, to be angry, to be stressed or we can choose to let it go, to rise above the pettiness, to live our lives harmoniously. Will you leave it so late that you can hear death’s call approaching before you start living fully?

Will you leave it so late that you can hear death's call approaching before you start living fully? Click To Tweet

Leaning into the challenges

Imagine if you were able to face a future full of bliss, no further stress to bother you, all your woes behind you. But would this really be as blissful as you imagine it could be? The repetitive bliss of the present will dilute in contrast to the sheer joy of the past. As humans we need the challenges of life to make the enjoyable parts more enjoyable. Without the challenges, our lives risk becoming blissfully insipid.

When we face challenges and uncertainty we grow. Our comfort zone is our worst ally when it comes to self-development. When we stay cocooned within our secure blankets we deny ourselves the challenge of facing new adventures.

Our security blankets deny us the challenge of facing new adventures. Click To Tweet

Living with passion

What floats your boat? Living a life of passion means you are in alignment with your true calling. Remove your self-judgement and the judgement of others and allow yourself to follow your calling. Make sure your passion involves something beyond yourself. The more you contribute and give, the more you will receive back.

Aligning your life with passion is as much about appreciation and contribution as it is self-fulfilment. Surround yourself with people who can help you achieve that passion. Remember the adage that we are the average of the 5 people we spend most of our time with? Choose those people wisely! Do they have your best interests at heart? Can they help you to grow? As they live their lives, is it within a framework of honesty and integrity? Become a generous spirit and let your contributions rub off positively on those around you.

Harness resourcefulness

Life seems to have a tendency to knock us off our tracks just when we think everything is running fairly smoothly. The unexpected rears up in front of us and all of a sudden we need to start juggling very wobbly plates. So how do you get back on track and deal with things? Choosing to be resourceful. We often lay the blame of a lack of resources as being the reason why we cannot achieve a certain goal. However, it’s not a lack of resources that is the problem. It is a lack of resourcefulness that allows you to choose to stay stuck in your rut. Where there is a will, there is a way.

Have you met people who have been given everything they could ever need, and still they mess up, often spending their days confined to rehab? And then there are those people who, despite all the challenges and difficulties life throws at them, live a life of contribution, fulfilment and contentment?

Choosing our defining factors

What defines these people? They are the sum of all the points mentioned above.

The people who succeed in life see themselves as winners and not victims of their circumstances.
These people choose to perceive life through a positive lens – they seek out the solutions.
They dare to be wrong and learn as a result of it.
Tragedies get turned into lessons which better equip them to deal with pain and help others in the future.
They live with purpose, extending their hand of generosity to others, living a life of contribution.
Death hones their wonderment and appreciation of the gift of life.
These individuals live in the present moment, choosing to rise above the negative energies that may try and steer them off course.
They are resourceful and find the solutions. If you can’t move forward, move sideward, but just keep moving.

Explore who you are, how you can contribute and how you can grow. Choose emotions that are positive and resourceful. Choose to deny blame and negative emotions a hold on your life.

Choose to deny blame and negative emotions a hold on your life. Click To Tweet

Wake up and smell the roses – literally! Live each day as though it’s your last. You will have more of you to give and you will learn to appreciate being a tiny part of the wonder of this universe.

Choose to live your best life possible.

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