Constructive Criticism: Can we take it?

Constructive criticsm, what is it really? The two words that make up this phrase seem to imply polar opposites: constructive is supposed to be helpful and positive, yet we stick the word “criticism” on the end.

Criticism as defined by the Oxford dictionary means: “The expression or disapproval of someone or something on the basis of perceived faults or mistakes.” It doesn’t sound very positive, does it?

The reason I’m writing this article is because I was recently faced with a dilemma.

A recent lead boots story

A friend of mine showed me a project that had been designed for him and he asked for my opinion of it. I need to make clear that I have no design qualifications at all, so my two cents worth are not particularly informed. However, I just felt that the design was not representative of him or his message. What’s more, in my uninformed and humble opinion, it devalued who he is and the product he is having designed.

I find it reeeaaallly hard to not tell the truth and I kind of think that if we were all more honest, life would be much simpler, but that’s for another article ….! So I tentatively dove in with my very heavy lead boots on.

I stress here that I totally admire this friend of mine and think that what he has achieved in his life and what he is doing currently could inspire many of us to be more courageous to live our dreams. So I was torn between giving him an honest reply and not wanting to rub him up the wrong way.

As we were texting each other, I told him (via text message) politely what I thought. Yikes! And then waited patiently for the reply which I hoped would not contain too many swear words or offensive material.

He was very kind and polite, but told me basically that I was missing the point. Perhaps I am, but that’s not the point of this article.

Constructive criticism or constructive evaluation?

I think that constructive criticism needs to be renamed into something like constructive evaluation. That way, we are freed up to give our honest feedback without the negativity associated with “criticism”.

And now to the point of this article.

When constructive criticism, ideally evaluation, is given, it assumes a giver and a receiver. And it says a lot about both individuals. With my friend in mind, I felt secure enough with him to be able to offer my honest opinion, even if it was way off the mark. And because I value his friendship, I felt strongly that he deserved my honesty out of respect for him.

Giving and receiving of constructive criticism takes courage

It takes courage to be the giver of constructive criticism / evaluation, and it also takes courage to be the receiver of it. We all would prefer a life without hiccups or niggles or opinions which don’t quite marry with our own, but life isn’t like that. And there is so much to learn from other people’s opinions.

By giving constructive evaluation, you are making a statement to that person that you value him/her sufficiently to want the absolute best for that individual. It is given in the spirit of genuine and sincere helping.

So next time when someone offers you their constructive criticism / evaluation, remember that it took guts on their part to offer it in the first place. It might not be quite what you wanted to hear, but the good thing is, is that you have made that person feel safe enough to be able to offer it to you. And generally people offer constructive criticism / evaluation, because they want to help, not because they want to criticise.

If they turn out to be one of those types of people who just like bemoaning everyone else’s achievements, turn around, walk away and pity them as the loser that they are for one second only. Take a deep breath, smile and remember you are brilliant.